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Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Airline Security

I understand and support the increased security measure airports have undertaken for our safety. I get it. But as one who will be travelling a good deal in coming months and years, I dread the hours of stress going through the hoops.

So in light of the need for security and for the sake of making everyone's life simpler, I'd like to make a suggestion. I think all ticketholders should be required to fly naked and tranquilized. The airlines can issue nice fuzzy terry clothe bathrobes for the sake of modesty and comfort. Then a good strong dose of nitrous-oxide to every passenger with the amount precisely calibrated to keep everyone happy and "flighty" for the exact length of the flight. Not only would flying be completely safe, people would enjoy it more.

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4 comments:

Ryan Schroeder said...

Pastor,

I agree whole-heartedly. I would like to make one addition to you idea. Video tapes of the flight should be made public, just as an assurance that nobody is doing anything inappropriate while you are both naked and tranquilized.

Rob said...

Nitrous oxide won't knock them out, just make them laugh and possibly release inhibitions.

There's no general air-borne anaesthetic that would be 100% reliable and 100% safe. You'd probably kill a few people from aspirated vomitus.

Just have them fly naked, no bathrobes. That should be bad enough, at least in America.

Oh, and plastic seating.

VirginiaLutherans said...

Do they have to carry terry cloth robes for Pastors? ;-)

Anonymous said...

Oh, this may start out all right, but it will end badly, as all things do in the airline industry.

2006 Free, plush terry cloth robes and the anesthetic of your choice.

2007 Lighter robes. Complaints about their transparancy. Anesthetics cause headaches.

2008 Robes made smaller, to match those ridiculous pillows they give to 10% of their passengers. Black market knock-out drops.

2009 Tiny see-through robes, at the convenient fee of $5, exact change only. Anesthesia by a guy named Bruno who has a hammer.

2010 Airlines admit service has begun to decline. Promise improvements within 10 years.

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